You just made me feel so damn special
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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