while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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