are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
