Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
