It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
