I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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