HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
