eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
