oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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