I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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