9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
