My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Ketchup is God's man juice
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
