we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It was confusing and full of hummus
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
