I feel like abortions should bother me more
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
