Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize