lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Mom said you looked used
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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