I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
