I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
