I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
