This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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