It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
