it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
