We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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