let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
