Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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