All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
