it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
