I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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