So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
