I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
