I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
