So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
