...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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