i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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