She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
