Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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