Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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