Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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