If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
