But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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