you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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