I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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