Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
