If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
