I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
