Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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