she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
