Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
