There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
