You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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