if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
