Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think a kid would responsible me up
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
