Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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