Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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