I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
