i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
