the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
