ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
