happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
