Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
