we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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