He uses pillows to masturbate.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
