Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
