she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
