OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
