How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
