went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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